


False, Fatal Motif

by BrokenQuillZT



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Misunderstandings, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:04:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9527012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenQuillZT/pseuds/BrokenQuillZT
Summary: Judy hired a private investigator on her partner slash boyfriend. Probably a bad idea in retrospect. No, eating ice cream before going to bed is a bad idea. This was something much more. His findings come in the form of a little envelope when she comes home from work one day.What was inside the envelope shattered her world.She couldn't believe she let it happen to her again





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back, after a long hiatus! Sorry, I know I haven't been writing much. Part of that I blame on writer's block, the other on lack of motivation. Hopefully you all will see more of me in the time to come! Remember to check out my tumblr (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/zooptoopfanworks) for other fandom-related things, and also if you want to ask me anything! This is still a work in progress, so any feedback is appreciated!
> 
> Without further ado, prepare for angst! tension! Pretty much everything in the tags! Hopefully not false advertisement on my part!

“No.” A young Judy gasped in disbelief. She backed away from her bed until her back thudded against the wall of her own little burrow. Her friend’s cell phone dropped at the foot of her bed as she hurriedly scampered back. Her mind suddenly filled with a maelstrom of emotions, disbelief, anger, and betrayal proving to be the most prominent at the moment. “That can’t be real” She gasped, tears threatening to burst the dam she was struggling to maintain. “You... you must’ve altered the pictures somehow.”

Jean, another rabbit, one grade level higher than her, with her fur a darker shade of gray than Judy but shorter ears, shook her head solemnly. “No, I didn’t Judy. This is as real as it gets.”

Judy’s eyes darted from Jean to the phone, then shook her head deniably. “No... There’s some explanation to this, I know it... She’s... a sister, or a cousin, or something like that.”

“Judy...” Jean sighed and crouched down in front of her “Family don’t hug like that. They don’t kiss like that. You saw the pictures for yourself”

Her state of denial remained strong, but began to crack along with her composure. “He... he wouldn’t do that to me... He said he loved me...”

“Judes, I know this is a lot to take in. I’m gonna be blunt. He lied. He doesn’t care about you.”

“Don’t you DARE say that!” Judy reared defensively, the first hints of tears leaking through her eyes. “We love each other!”

“Judes, it’s obviously not double sided.” Jean calmly replied.

“Yes it is!”

“Maybe at first. But lately he hasn’t been with you for more than an hour”

That was true. But so what? He was perfectly capable of having a circle of friends that extends beyond her.

“You’ve been quote-unquote ‘dating’ for a year, but he has yet to take you on an official ‘date’”

“Yeah, but we kiss! He loves me!”

Jean sighed and shook her head “Judy, from an outside perspective... it’s unbalanced.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe on your end, you feel whatever passes for love, but his side is purely lust, if anything.”

Judy’s rage started to show in her face. “Get out of my room.”

Jean kept pressing on. “I’m serious, Judy. It’s clear he wants something that you’re not giving him.”

“I said get out.”

“Judy, boyfriends wrap their arms around your waist. In the rarer occasions where he touches you, he takes every chance he can to cup at your ass”

“GET OUT, DAMN IT!”

“I know guys like him! To him, you’re nothing but a trophy!”

Judy screamed louder than she ever screamed before and chucked her pillow across her bedroom, sending a small potted flower toppling to the floor. Then, she faceplanted on the bed, defeated. The hard truth of her friend’s words finally sunk in, and she realized how true her words were. It was astonishing how believable he would make his lies just to keep her around. Her screams were replaced with pathetic sobs as her body convulsed uncontrollably as she took air in sporadic gasps. Within seconds, her pillow was soaked with tears. Jean set a paw on her back and stroked it as though she were the most delicate newborn bunny that would shatter at the slightest hint of aggression.

“I… I really thought…” Judy struggled, unable to finish the thought.

“I know, Judes…” Jean whispered.

“He said… He’d never… But…” More sobbing. It was amazing Judy didn’t drown herself yet.

“I can’t believe I actually believed him…” the first full sentence she’s managed.

“Happens to the best of us, Judes.” Jean replied, clearing her throat

Judy’s broken heart expressed itself in similar bouts of broken speech for a good hour. After a while, her whole body hurt as much as her heart did, and the pair sat together in silence.

“I’m sorry, Jean…” Judy finally muttered, her face finally out of the pillow. “I said some things I didn’t mean.”

Jean pulled Judy to her feet. “It’s not your fault, Judes. He’s a dick. C’mon, I hear your mom made another blueberry pie.”

Fast forward to a few years after her employment.

It had been two years since Judy first met Nick outside the elephant ice cream shop. Within the following days, he became her first friend in the city. A few days after, she said somethings and fucked everything up, and after endless sessions of self loathing and regret, He forgave her after three months, even though it took until three months after that when she forgave herself for what happened. They became police partners on top of best friends, meaning they spent a lot of time together. In that time, they became close. REALLY close. Before either of them knew it, they were sharing secrets they thought they had blocked out for years, and their feelings for each other grew exponentially. Six months later, he finally grew the balls to ask her out, which she quickly agreed to.

It started out rocky, as could be expected. On top of hiding their relationship at work, inter-species dating wasn’t exactly held in high regard. But somehow, Nick made it work. He channeled as much of his optimism and energy into what they had. Even on days when he was dead tired, he always tried to make time for Judy. They’d cancelled each other’s dates more times than either cared to admit, whether it was work or something personal, but they always made up for it. It wasn’t exactly something out of some teenage romance novel where everything is perfect and everything worked out… but it was theirs. It was theirs and they loved it.

But Nick changed.

It was gradual at first, but zoning out quickly turned to unnecessary aggression, on duty as well as off duty. It even took Judy a while before noticing herself, and a little longer to ask Nick what was wrong. Sometimes, he would brush her off, denying that anything was wrong, other times he’d change the subject... sometimes he would even ignore her completely. 

Judy prodded him for answers for weeks on end and made no progress. Nick had always been a closed door, but she would usually get him to open after a little . But not this time. This time, Nick was not only closed, but locked, deadbolted, and barricaded. Nick was getting worse and worse, and she wanted nothing more than to help him. But to do that, she needed to know what was going on, and he wasn’t opening up to her.

So she hired a private investigator. Probably a bad idea in retrospect. Terrible idea, but It made sense at the time. And within a few months, she got results.

Results she was completely paralyzed by. Results which made her relive that same scene in her bedroom when she was in high school. She REALLY needed to talk to him now.

Just then, she heard three taps on her door, followed by Nick’s voice. “Carrots? It’s Nick. Look, I need to talk to you about something.”

Judy pursed her lips and marched over to the door, swinging it open and crossing her arms.

Nick looked like a mess. His shirt was buttoned one button too low, his fur was tangled and in a matted mess, and his tie wasn’t even tied on correctly. He fired a half assed smirked in her direction and rubbed the back of his neck as he walked into her apartment.

“Look, I know I haven’t exactly been myself lately, and I know you noticed too. You asked me what was wrong, and I did nothing but shut you out.” He held up a paw and shook it in front of him. “I have a nasty habit of doing that, don’t I?”

Judy gave him nothing but scowling silence. 

Nick tilted his head slightly. “What’s with the look?”

Judy’s eyes shot fire as she spat at Nick. “Who the hell are you, Nicholas Wilde?”

Nick squinted his eyes. “What? Judy, what’s this about?”

“Didn’t think I’d find out?”

“Find out about what?”

“THIS, Nick!” She thrust the photographs to Nick’s chest. Nick took them, puzzled as he thumbed through them, Each phototgraph, courtesy of Judy’s PI, featured Nick with a mystery... woman. A husky, actually. Slightly shorter than Nick, beautiful, well built... Essentially, the kind of mammal that would be more... suited to someone like Nick.

“Where the hell did you get these from?” Nick questioned.

“RJ Ringtail”

“Ringtail? The PI?” Nick sputtered. “You had me FOLLOWED? What the hell, Judy!?”

“Well, what was I supposed to do?!” Judy demanded. “It was clear something was bugging you. I was given limited information,so I did what I needed to do to get to the bottom of it! All I wanted to do was help you! Apparently, you were already helping yourself to something I couldn’t give you!”

Nick thrust a finger toward Judy. “Is that what you think is going on? Well, let me tell you...”

“It’s clear that’s what’s going on, Wilde!” Judy interrupted. She shoved her paws in her eyes and leaned her head back. “God, Nick! I can’t believe this! This is Quinn and high school all over again!”

“Quinn?” Nick asked, confused. “You mean…”

“Yes, Nick. That Quinn!” Her paws were balled up into fists and she just wanted to punch something. “You’re just like him!”

Nick sighed heavily and shut his eyes, scowling. Comparing him to Quinn, Judy’s high school sweetheart, ex boyfriend, certified asshat… It hurt a lot more than he let on. “Judy, if you’d just let me explain...”

“NO, Nick!” Judy screamed. “No more! These pictures tell me just enough.” She heaved many heavy sighs, on the verge of sobbing before she continued. “...I can’t do this again...”

Nick’s own enraged disposition suddenly melted. “Judy, what are you saying? Are we okay?”

Judy shook her head and turned her back to him. “There’s no ‘we’ anymore, Nick...” She muttered. “We’re through. I’m done.”

All she heard was Nick’s own shuddering gasps as he struggled to find the words. “Judy, please, let me explain...”

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! JUST GO!”

She kept her back to him. She couldn’t bear to face him now. Things were silent, except for the labored breathing from both parties. Seconds of silence turned to minutes, and she spun around, only to find Nick gone, and her front door neatly closed.

For a few seconds, she stared at the door, and simply couldn’t feel anything, as though the adrenaline from the earlier event left her numb. Then, all at once, it hit her like a cement mixer. One second, she was bravely staring down her closed the door, the next she was a pathetic huddled mess on the floor, heaving gasps as her own sobs suffocated her.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” She whispered to herself as she smacked herself in the head with her fist as she condemned herself for letting this happen to her again. She should have thought better than to become involved with an ex-con artist, reformed or not. The dates, the smiles, the sidelong glances, the smirk… the kiss… it was all a lie. And she fell for it all over again.

Work was probably going to be really awkward from now on.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avoiding contact with Nick seems to be surprisingly... easier than anticipated. The next few weeks flow comparatively smoothly until Judy spots a rather familiar figure.
> 
> It's happening all over again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest here, the idea sounded great in my head, but now that I'm writing it out, I'm starting to have second thoughts. Not only is the subject matter sort of touchy, but I can see there being a LOT of plot holes by the time this is over. Let me know what you guys think so far. Be as brutally honest as possible. If this gets a lot of negative feedback, I'll scrap it. I already have another idea in the works anyway, one that will hopefully be more accepting than this one.

One sleepless night later, Judy called in sick for the first time of her career. Not just because she wasn’t motivated to don her police uniform once again, bus also because she felt physically  _ sick _ . Her heart pounded wildly as she replayed the events of last night in her head over and over again. And every time, once she turned her back on Nick, her stomach somersaulted and threatened to empty its contents. Luckily for her, she hadn’t eaten anything since last night. When she called the chief to inform him, there was a moment of surprise in between. I took the seasoned buffalo a good few seconds to recover from that. Their conversation was brief as he was met with a call on another line. She set her cell phone back on her windowsill and just laid down there. She didn’t move at all, except to use the bathroom and to get a bag of banana chips when she finally caved into her growling stomach. She only ate three chips and left the opened bag on her nightstand.

Her sleep was sporadic and restless, at best. Once her alarm clock sounded off again, she didn’t feel much better than the day before. She convinced herself that calling in sick a second day when she wasn’t really sick would leave a blemish on her reputation, and so found the strength to slip on her police gear and take the train down to the station. She would have to face Nick sooner or later, and it was better it happen sooner than later, where she expected him to be, rather than on the street, where she would be caught unprepared.

“Judy! You must be feeling better!” Clawhauser gleefully squealed when she saw her saunter up to the front desk. His smile faded as she approached. “Whoa, maybe I spoke too soon.”

“I’m fine, Clawhauser.” She mustered the strength to shoot Clawhauser the best fake smile she could manage. “Just... going through some stuff.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” The cheetah tilted his head curiously.

Judy shook her head. “It’s not that important.” She lied, and shuffled off to the bullpen before he could ask any more questions.

Other officers were scattered in their own seats in the bullpen when Judy walked in. A few smiled and nodded their heads politely to acknowledge her, which she returned as enthusiastically as she could. She hesitated when she stood in front of her chair. The chair that she and Nick always shared in the mornings, since that spare chair that was supposed to come in to accommodate for another cop never came in. Not that either of them complained. She took a deep breath and hoisted herself up to the chair and stood up, her eyes gazing down on the empty table to look busy. One by one the other cops came, and Judy’s eyes would always dart to the footpaws of whoever came in. Surprisingly, that morning, Nick’s never entered her view.

Amidst Bogo’s droning off on the morning announcements, something about the company picnic and laying off some officers until finances improve, Judy paid attention long enough to hear she was to work on the case that she and Nick had been working on for the past month, to which she headed back to her desk after Bogo closed his speech. Judy shared a cubicle space with Nick, with her desk facing one wall with his facing the other. Her eyes fell upon Nick’s desk, and it was exactly the way it was last time she saw it. Despite it’s relative disorganization, Judy keenly observed that not a single paper had moved since she last saw his desk. Even the fern, which occupied its own little corner, had its soil dried out.

_ Nick wasn’t at work either yesterday _ Judy thought to herself.  _ Hm. I guess I can’t blame him. I called in sick yesterday too. _ With that she plopped herself down at her own desk and observed the case files closely, keeping her own emotions and memories of last night locked in the back of her mind as best she could. Although multiple times, she caught herself glancing back at his desk to check for that orange fuzzy tail swishing back and forth behind the desk chair, revealing that Nick had snuck into work.

Every time she checked, the desk remained empty.

*  *  *  

Nick’s desk hadn’t changed the next day either. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Soon, days turned into weeks, and their case load started to weigh her down. On multiple occasions, Judy considered calling Nick to see why he hasn’t shown up for work. Something about how he still has a job to do, and how both of them can be professional in the workplace. But she never could. Maybe he ran off, maybe he was with that husky, maybe hearing his voice would cause her to lose all composure. Whatever the reason, Judy decided to simply buck up and muscle through it.

Almost a month after her sick day, after a long day of patrolling and reviewing case notes, she heaved a heavy sigh as she pushed the revolving door of the police station. Clawhauser’s cheerful voice usually welcomed her, but this time his voice came in the form of a lowered conversational tone as he was helping another mammal that evening. Judy glanced up to greet Clawhauser, when all of a sudden she froze in her tracks.

It was the husky. The same husky who was with Nick in the photographs. She was a little shorter than Nick’s height. She had gray fur that coated her back with creamy white fur decorating her front. The gray at the top of her head and face contrasted nicely with her icy blue eyes and off white fur. She wore a simple purple dress and a denim jacket that stopped above her stomach, and as much as Judy hated to admit it, she was beautiful, with the kind of body you only see in magazines. She leaned in to talk with Clawhauser.

“I’m just not sure if this is the kind of thing that I should be coming to the police about.” She said. “I don’t want to lead you on a wild goose chase or anything.”

“Not a problem, Miss Fusco.” Clawhauser replied with a smile. “We leave no stone unturned.” He flagged down Judy. “Hey, Judy! Have enough energy to do one last thing for me?”

“Sure. What is it?” Her eyes darted back and forth from the husky to Clawhauser.

“Everyone else is out in the field, and Miss Fusco wants to report something. Ideally, after the day you’ve had, I’d ask someone else, but... Well, there’s no one else. Would you mind, Judy!”

Judy forced herself a smile and shook her head. “No big deal. I got this one.” She turned to the husky. “Follow me, please.”

The pair walked past several empty cubicles before arriving at her own desk, the whole time asking herself what kind of questions she would ask her so she would finally get some answers herself.

She slid Nick’s chair over next to his. “Sit down please.”

She hopped in her own chair and logged in to her computer. “Name, please?”

“Sarah Fusco.” Sarah replied.

Judy tapped away on her keyboard. “I’m sorry...” Sarah smiled warmly, “You’re Judy Hopps, aren’t you?”

She cringed when she heard her say her name, but nodded past that. “Yes, I am.”

She seemed relieved. “My friend Nick told me all about you. He says you’re his partner. ‘In more ways than one.’ His words, not mine.”

“Not so sure about that now...”

“He had nothing bad to say about you, and he absolutely loved...” She beamed. 

“Mmmhmm...So you knew about me then?” Judy interrupted, her eyes still not breaking from the screen.

Sarah blinked, confused. “Well... yeah. He told me everything”

“And you still went after him?” Judy’s pent up rage started to crack the dam she built. “Knowing that he was seeing someone else?”

Sarah chuckled uneasily. “Officer, I’m not sure I understand.”

“Then let me put it this way.” She pushed past her desk so her chair spun to face her directly, glaring into the Husky’s eyes. “Stop me if any of this in incorrect. You and Nick are friends. Probably even close friends, the kind you tell things you never tell anyone else. You meet for coffee one day, and before long it becomes a normal thing. The more times you meet, the more you realize that you’re starting to see the fox in front of you as something more than a friend.”

Sarah furrowed her brow. “Now wait just a second...”

Judy remained vigilant. “The same fox tells you all about his life. His childhood, work... you even find out that he’s seeing someone that’s not you.”

Sarah sighed and shook her head. “That’s not...”

“Now, usually, the other party would stave off on the pursuing until either she finds someone else or he becomes available. But not you. You want him, and nothing’s gonna stand in your way.”

Sarah stared at Judy, bewildered, eyes burrowed and teeth bared.

“So tell me, who locked lips with who when it finally happened?”

“Officer, are you accusing me of seducing Nick Wilde?”

“Of course I am!” She screamed, her amethyst eyes burning holes through the husky. “Give me one good reason why that doesn’t make sense!”

“I’m gay, Officer!” Sarah fired back with rage equal to Judy’s.

Whatever anger Judy held, whether it be toward Nick or Sarah in that moment, dissipated, and was replaced with utter shock. “Wait, you...”

“Nick isn’t my type.” Sarah replied, calmer this time, as the corners of her mouth slowly relaxed.”It’s not exactly something I like to broadcast.” She chuckled to herself lightly before muttering, “Didn’t take you for the jealous type.”

Judy plopped down in the chair in front of Sarah, still too bewildered to say anything. Sarah went on.

“If you must know, Nick and I go way back. I first came out in high school. Not of my own choosing, but because someone found out. They bullied me. Relentlessly. Verbally at first… then they spray painted “queer” on my locker… Then it got physical.I would’ve slit my wrists if it weren’t for Nick. He came to me when no one else would. He let me vent, he listened… He was my best friend all throughout high school.We just reconnected a bit ago, but a few weeks, I saw something was bothering him.” 

She twiddled with her thumbs a bit. “He never gave me details, but all he would say that his life was falling apart faster than he could mend it back together. I haven’t seen him since, and I’m genuinely concerned for him now. He’s not even answering his phone anymore, and I’ve never been to his place, so I can’t check up on him. Judy, please. Find him and make sure he’s okay.”

Judy nodded silently, then got up. “Excuse me for a moment.” She quickly walked up the stairs to Bogo’s office and rapped her paw on the frosted glass.

“Come in.” Bogo’s voice called from the other side.

His door opened with a creak, and Judy’s feet pattered lightly against the carpet as she made her way inside. Bogo looked up and pursed his lips at her once she made it in. “Hopps. What can I do for you?”

Judy hopped up on one of the chairs in front of Bogo’s desk. “Sir, how many more sick days does Nick have left? I need a gauge as to the next time I see him.”

Bogo glanced up at Judy, brow furrowed, confused. “Sick days? Technically, he has until these budget cuts stop.”

Judy’s ears rose in intrigue. “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand…”

Bogo stopped writing and set his pen down and removed his glasses to look at her directly. “Hopps, Wilde was one of the cops I had to lay off. I thought you knew that.”

Judy’s ears shot up as she leaned on his desk. “Nick was laid off?!?” She gasped.

Bogo nodded slowly. “I announced that we had to lay some mammals off because of budget cuts a few weeks ago. You were there.”

Judy shook her head violently. “Not exactly there, sir.”

“He took the news surprisingly well. Said he needed some time to think anyways.”

“Why is that?”

“Don’t you read the newspaper, Hopps?”

Bogo dug in his desk and pulled out one of the newspapers from several weeks ago. He flipped to the obituaries and plopped it in front of Judy, so she could read it clearly.

_ Marian Wilde, a long time resident at Willow Apartments and Suites, passed away in her apartment complex last wednesday. Her body was not found until several days later, as she lived alone and no one knew until then... _

“Nick… lost his mother?” Judy gasped.

Bogo nodded silently. “It hit him hard. Since he found out, he hasn’t been himself.”

“Sir, I need his address.”

“How come?”

“I messed up. Big time. Again.”

“You know I can’t hand out personal information like that. Even if it was to another cop.”

Judy sighed defeatedly and plopped down on her chair, glancing off to the side sadly.

After a while, Bogo spoke up again. “The mammal downstairs… the husky… Why was she here?”

Judy looked up at her chief, puzzled. “She wanted to file a missing mammal’s report.”

“And shouldn’t you look into that?” Bogo probed. “The first place you would look would be the mammal’s residence. And any registered mammal should already be in our system…”

Judy’s eyes lit up and she smiled for the first time in a while. “Of course! Thank you sir!” She had sped out of his office before Bogo could properly respond.

*   *   *   

Judy typed madly on her keyboard until Nick’s info finally came up. Sarah looked over her shoulder, curious.

“That’s the place?” Sarah asked, curiously.

Judy nodded. “Seems like it.” 

Sarah shook her head. “That can’t be. That building’s scheduled for demolition soon.”

Judy’s eyes shot toward Sarah. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope.” Sarah confirmed. “Scheduled for about a week from now.” She checked her watch. “I’m way over my break. Please, reach out to me as soon as you find something out about him.” She left her card on Judy’s desk as she left. “Oh, one more thing. Once this whole thing blows over… Could you and me start over? You seem like a really cool person, and I’d hate to be friends with Nick but mortal enemies with his girlfriend.”

Judy chuckled lightly and smiled back at Sarah, sincerely this time. “I should be the one asking you that. But yeah, let’s do that. The three of us will get coffee one day.”

Sarah nodded. “I’d like that. A lot.” With that, she turned down the hallway back toward reception.

Shortly after, Judy ran so fast that she actually passed Sarah coming down the hallway. She had the address, now she needed to get to Nick. She condemned herself for letting her tendency to jump to conclusions cloud her judgement yet again, and she ran through every possible scenario in her head. Finally, She arrived to some form of organized plan that she would follow. She would apologize her butt off. Just like back under the bridge. Then beg for a second chance. Or rather a third chance this time. Not much of a plan, but it was all she had. She hurt him. Again. Arguably worse than she did the first time. It would ultimately be up to him if he still wanted her in his life.

The tires screeched as she stopped in front of the building. It was nearly falling apart. The stone outside was weathered and littered with graffiti, several of the windows were broken, and a putrid scent filled the air. How Nick allowed himself to live here was a mystery to her. Once this was over, she’d help him find a better place. Even if that meant digging into her own pocket.

The door, surprisingly, was unlocked, and she quickly bounded up the steps to Nick’s apartment. She nearly walked right past it because the door was littered with eviction notices, dating back to several months ago. She pounded her fist on the door. 

“Nick! Nick, it’s me. I need to talk to you!”

Silence.

“Nick, please! I realize I was wrong. I jumped to a conclusion, even after I promised I’d never do it again! And now it hurt you, at what I now realize could be the crappiest time of your life.” She pounded her fist again. “Let me apologise to your face, you dumb fox! There’s so much more I have to say, and you need to see me so you know it’s sincere!”

More silence.

Judy sighed exasperatedly and flipped the welcome mat over, glad to see that he kept a key under the mat like every other mammal.

“Nick, I’m coming in.”

She twisted the doorknob and crept inside. The apartment itself was as crappy as the outside. It was all one room, leaky ceilings, exposed pipes and wires everywhere… The used to be furniture, as the little dents in the carpet made out, but now it was nearly empty. All except for a moldy mattress, with a familiar body seated on top of it.

“Nick, I know you’re hearing me.” Judy said as she approached. “Wake u….”

Her words were cut short once she got a closer look at the body. Nick lay against the wall, mouth agape, eyes glazed and nearly shut, clad only in boxer shorts, his breathing slow but raggedy. In one hand he held a forty ounce bottle of liquor. It was the other paw, however, that made Judy freeze and her heart sink.

Nick’s fingers barely clenched the empty orange plastic container.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I want you guys to really let me know about this fic so far. I'll try not to spoil the ending here, but just know that I'm not a fan of sad endings, so I rarely write them. I'm losing faith in this story's potential and integrity, so tell me your exact thoughts on the story here. I'll scrap it if there's negative feedback, otherwise I'll fix the leaks as much I can in the next chapter.
> 
> Either way, thanks for reading this so far!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick awakens in the hospital after getting his stomach pumped, much to his dismay, and Judy finally learns everything that happened.
> 
> Nick isn't having any of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand here it is! The long awaited next Chapter of False, Fatal Motif (I notice I seem to have a thing going on with titles that are three words long). I have an idea of where I want this to end, but I might be writing myself into a wall with the way I'm going about it. I mentioned something about that in the last chapter. I dunno, it might me more obvious here.
> 
> But apparently a majority of you seem to want to know where this is going, for one reason or another. So buckle up, I guess. We have quite a ride ahead of us.

_ “Nick!” _

_ “Nngh… Whozit?” _

_ “Nick, what have you done?!?” _

_ “Why d’you suddenly care? Leemee be. Fug off…” _

_ “Nick, I’m not leaving you like this!” _

_ “Iz just lye falling asleep….” _

_ “Nick!” _

_ \--- _

Did he do it? Did Nick make it to Hell? It smelled an awful lot like bleach for such a corrupt place. Wasn’t nearly as hot as was advertised, too. In an attempt to shift his weight, a stabbing pain bolted up from his stomach. He felt pretty lively for a dead spirit. His eyes gently fluttered awake and was met with the rather familiar white ceiling tiles, as well as countless machines that latched onto his body like leeches. Nope. He was alive. Still on Earth. Much to his dismay.

A tickle in his throat made him cough before he was fully awake.  _ Damn it _ , he thought as his eyes surveyed the room.  _ How did I make it here? I swear I locked the door... _ His question was answered by a soft gasp at his bedside.

“Nick,” Judy whispered in relief, standing up from the chair she was sitting in, pushing it back as it groaned against the linoleum floor. “Nick, you’re okay…”

“Nngh…” He groaned, turning his attention to her. “Judy? The hell?”

“I found you…” Judy started, amethyst eyes devoted entirely to him. “In your apartment… bottle of pills in hand.” She swallowed. “Empty. I should add.”

Nick sighed and looked off to the side of the room. “So naturally your superhero complex kicked in. Not sure if you noticed, but I didn’t exactly want to be saved.” With that he let out a disappointed, angry sigh, coupled with his shutting eyes as his head thunked against the pillow behind him.

Judy pursed her lips and glared at the fox in the hospital bed. “Nick, what the hell were you thinking?” She scolded. “Life sucks, you of all people should know that. It’s still no reason to take an entire month’s prescription in one go! Why didn’t you tell me anything that was going on? If not me, then Clawhauser, or the Chief. Or Finn!

“‘Sucks’?” Nick turned slowly to the rabbit by his bed. “Don’t you dare give me that, Fluff.” He spat poison at the same name that once brought comfort. “Chief has enough problems on his own. Clawhauser and I aren’t particularly close. And Finn left. Like everyone else I seem to get close to.” His eyes only briefly swept her way before switching back. “So yeah. Life took the biggest possible shit on me. Buried me so deep that I’d suffocate long before I come close to surfacing again. I figure why wait that long.”

“This still wasn’t the way, Nick.” Judy pressed on, clutching his paw inside both of hers. “Suicide was an overreaction to everything that was going on…”

“Overreaction?” Nick scoffed, pulling his paw free of her grip. “Yeah, you’d know a lot about that. You need help from Ringtail to figure that out?”

The very mention of her mistake made her wince, tightening her grip on what was now the hospital bedsheets. Judy shut her eyes and took a deep breath. “Nick, I messed up. Again. Even bigger than before, with the Night Howlers…’ She looked pleadingly in his eyes, pressing her palm against her chest. “I acknowledge that. I take full responsibility. But killing yourself would never solve…”

“Oh,  _ THERE  _  it is.” Nick interrupted again. “You think you’re the sole reason I swallowed my prescription for the next month? Get off your fucking high throne, Hopps. Like you’re that fucking special.” Amidst the anger in his eyes, there was a glint of doubt.

“I never said that, Nick!” She pounded the bed he was on and stared at him with steely conviction. “Nick, I know I’m not the only reason you tried to off yourself. But now I know everything. I get where you’re coming from, and…”

“Oh, of  _ COURSE _ you get where I’m coming from!” Nick exclaimed incredulously. “I completely forgot that Mom and Dad were always ready with a band-aid whenever I scraped my knee. I completely forgot that I came home to a hot meal every night! My, I really forgot how perfect and similar our lives were! Thank you  _ SO _ much for the reminder!”

_ Okay, bad choice of words _ . “Nick, let me finish..!” Judy started. But Nick kept on going as though she never said anything. 

“So you think you know everything about what’s happening to me? Okay. Pop Quiz! Describe my last encounter with my mom.”

Judy’s mouth moved initially but no sound escaped, simply because Nick refused to give her a chance to speak. Fine, she decided, a little annoyed. She’d play his game for now. “Well… you visited her regularly… You lo...”

“Wrong already! The last time I saw my mom was fourteen years ago. I was 19, Mom came home late after her third double-shift of the week to find me counting money from one of my first hustles. Money I got for  _ us. _ The only reason she worked her tail off was so that she could support us, and I decided it was high time I start pulling my own weight around. I thought I’d surprise her. But instead of seeing her beam from all the money I had gotten, she scolded me about my life choices, saying how the path I was on now would only make things worse in the long run. I thought she was being unappreciative, and quite frankly it seriously pissed me off. So, in a stupid moment of impulse, I packed and left right then and there. Would you like to guess what my last words to her were? Give ya a hint, it wasn’t exactly ‘Love ya, mom’ More along the lines of “You ungrateful old hag.’” His paw clenched tightly by his side as he gritted his teeth and pursed his lips, glancing off to the side, his shoulders heaving slightly as his breathing got heavier. “Every day since then, I wanted to go back to her, say I was sorry and beg for her to take me back. Every time, something held me back. Probably the fact that I thought she was glad I was gone. She had one less mouth to feed, now that her dishonest, disrespectful son was out of the picture. I bet she was glad I was gone.”

For a while, it was silent. The fact that Nick carried this kind of guilt every day surprised her. He never let it show until recent months, and it took her almost losing their lives for him to open up about the Ranger Scouts. Nick was private, she knew that. She also knew that he’d open up to you if you were patient enough. Instead she got impatient, hired the cheapest PI money could buy, and condemned him before he even got a chance to speak for himself. Whatever guilt she held multiplied by two hundred and she felt sick beyond her stomach. Judy spoke up again, her visage barely cracking,more apologetically this time. “Nick, I….”

“That wasn’t even what started it off.” Nick grumbled. “Some months back, I get some news. Apparently the shithole of an apartment I’ve been living in was scheduled to be torn down and remade into a parking lot.” He glanced at the bunny by his bed and frowned. “Yeah, the same one I’ve been paying double for just because I was born in the wrong species on the wrong side of the food chain.”

“But that’s discrimination!” Judy exclaimed. “Why didn’t you move in the first place?”

“You think I didn’t try?” Nick escalated. “Not sure if you noticed, but there’s not a lot of vacant apartments nearby. The ones that were were way above my pay grade, not predator-friendly, anti-fox… sometimes all three.”

“But you’re a cop, Nick.”

“ _ Was _ .” Nick corrected. “You think Bogo’s gonna let a suicidal cop on his payroll now? And you know as well as I do that the ZPD isn’t exactly pristine. It’s not a stretch for them to make an assumption. A fox that’s a cop? Gotta be corrupt. I don’t care what the newspapers say.”

“But those weren’t true!”

“I know. You think I didn’t try telling them that? I would have had better luck convincing them the sky was green.” Nick grumbled bitterly before continuing. “So I started saving up. Maybe I could find a new place before my place was torn down. That worked well until the layoffs happened. I had to sell basically everything in my apartment to even get close to renting another one. And if I had been more careful passing that alleyway on the way back from the buyer, I might still have that money…”

“You mean…” Judy gasped slightly. “Nick, you were mugged?”

“Literally out of most every penny I owned.” He replied dryly.

“Why didn’t you go to the police?”

Nick smirked sarcastically and scoffed. “I did. But apparently with less cops on duty, there’s not a lot of free officers to hear every report that comes in. I was put in some list. By the time they heard me, that money would’ve been long gone. Ironic, isn’t it? They’re willing to put citizens at risk just to save a few bucks.”   
  


He cleared his throat before continuing. “Finn skipped town without so much as a ‘catch ya later,’ Still not entirely sure why. You and me had our… falling out… I had no one. It was just me.”

“Nick, listen to me.”

“I’m not done, Cottontail.” Nick snapped. “I finally grew the balls to visit Ma for the first time since then. Not to beg for money or anything like that, but just because…” He wiped the tears away before speaking again. “I realize now where she came from when she became so upset when I last saw her. I needed to apologise to her. You hear these stories of parents still saying they love their kids no matter what they did. For me, I know it was a long shot, but it was the only chance I had. I know I don’t deserve her, but l... I needed her. I… I needed to feel her arms around me and her voice telling me that everything was gonna work out. Even if it never really did. Pathetic, really” He scoffed again amidst the tears, but the smirk that remained disappeared nanoseconds after. “Hell, she probably still hated me. She probably never would have forgiven me. Instead of the warm hug, I’d get a slap to the face. But I would have deserved that. Above all else, I needed to let her know how sorry I was. Sorry for abandoning her when I was nineteen, sorry for not being more grateful for all she did for me…” He sniffled and pounded the hospital bed firmly.”... I killed her… She needed me and I wasn’t there…” 

Judy opened her mouth to speak, but He turned back to Judy with a scowl before she could, his speech broken from his heaving sobs. “So don’t you  _ DARE _ try to empathize with me. There is no possible way you could know how I feel. I lost  _ everything,  _ everyone I ever loved, and no one was bailing me out. I was being thrown back onto the streets, nothing but the clothes on my back… Bogo may have overlooked my history when he hired me, but no one else would… Can’t do any of my scams again, because of some stupid promise I made to some mammal who was waiting for the first chance to leave anyway… The mother whose face I spat into died wishing me to Hell… And YOU…” He snarled, burning holes through the bunny with his stare, fists balled as though he were about to knock someone out. “I kept my situation from you, I admit that. Maybe I was wrong to. But let me tell you, there was no one I ever trusted… hell, even LOVED more than you. I didn’t tell you about what was going on because I didn’t want my problems to get in your way. I didn’t want people to talk shit about you just because your predator boyfriend’s life was going to shit. I’m me, other mammals are other mammals, and I always made it a point NEVER to get the two mixed up.Eventually, it started to get too much for me. You had a right to know. Little did I realize, right when I was about to tell you…” He scoffed, shaking his head in a sinister smirk. “Wasn’t enough for you to stab me in the back, but you had to cut my tongue out too?”

Now Judy struggled to keep her composure from dissolving, ears flat against her back, her own eyes moist with tears and her lips pursed to keep her mouth from forming an upside down “u” shape. Her paws were clenched as she trembled violently on the spot, riddled with sorrow and guilt. His life was going down the toilet, she should’ve seen that.The hammer she once used to break down his walls she inadvertantly used to slam the nails in his coffin. 

“Nick…” She struggled, her mind overflowing with things to say that her mind couldn’t put into words. “Nick, you’re right. There’s absolutely no way I can even come close to comprehending how you feel. And I wronged you. BIG time. And there’s nothing I can say to make any of this go away, or to alleviate any of the suffering I inflicted on you. But let me start by helping you. Let me start by being there the way I should have been there. I’ll... I’ll let you move into my apartment until you get back on your feet, I’ll work double shifts to get a little extra money, and I’m sure the rest of the force is willing to chip in to help you out. Nick…” She wrapped her paws tightly around his now. “Nick, please. I know I don’t deserve it again, but let me back into your life. Give me another chance.”

Nick denied her eye contact and kept his eyes glued to the window. For a while, things were silent, aside from the steady beeping of the machines. Judy squeezed his paws again and brought her face down on them, just to show how sincerely sorry she was. The seconds of silence lengthened by what felt like hours, and every glance she took back at Nick revealed he still gazed out the window.  “Another chance, huh?” His voice let out in a slow growl, breaking the silence with a needle. “You’re right. You don’t deserve that. Save your fucking pity”

Judy’s mouth remained agape as tears leaked past her eyes, stunned,as he shoved his hand free of her grasp and turned to her. “Tell me something, Hopps. If I said yes, when should I next expect you to go behind my back?” He held up a digit in his right paw. “Oh, actually, tell me HOW you’ll do it. Maybe this time Ringtail’ll throw in some decent Photoshop in there for you.

Tears were now flowing freely down Judy’s cheeks and her nose ran like an olympic sprinter. She crossed her arms and stared off toward the tile flooring. “Nick, that’s not fair…”

Nick let out a deep chuckle. “Not fair? It’s  _ perfectly _ fair, Cottontail.” He leaned in closer to her. “Fool me once, shame on you… you know, the rest, right?”

“Nick, stop it.” Her paws clenched into tiny fists. 

“You said you couldn’t go through another situation like with Quinn, right? Well, lucky you. I can’t go through this again either. I never want to see you again.”

With that, she let out a choking gasp and her eyes widened, leaving little protection against the waterfalls of tears making dark gray streaks in her fur. “Nick… you can’t possibly mean that.” She leaned desperately on the bed to get closer.

Nick depressed his thumb into the button by his bed. “I do, Fluff. 100%. Two knives in my back is more than enough. Now get the hell out of here before the poor nurse has to do it for you. And if you really want to make it up to me, turn up the morphine on your way out.” With that, he shooed her away with a few flicks of his paw, turned his head back toward the window, and away from Judy.

“Nick!”

Nick simply blinked, still staring out the window.

“Nick, please!”

Only a flick of his ear this time.

“Dammit,Nick, just let me help you! Let me make this right! Please, I’m sorry… I lo…”

Now Nick’s head jerked back toward her, emerald eyes bloodshot from sobbing, tears streaming down his own cheeks, but still burning holes through her very being, his jowls raised in a bloodthirsty snarl, exposing his fangs. Judy gasped loudly and stepped back, frightened by the sudden rage Nick emanated. It made him look genuinely… savage.

“Fuck. Off. Rabbit.” Was all he said

Judy stared at the fox for a few minutes more, mouthing words that never came out before slumping down in defeat. She didn’t say anything more, she simply turned around and trudged out the door, her footpaws thudding the gently thudding the ground. Behind her, she could hear Nick, the fox that she had loved (and still does), the same fox she lost because of her damn impulsiveness, sighing and silently sobbing in a failed attempt to stay a stupid tough guy. She failed him. She was the one person he counted on to always be there and she failed him. She might as well have fed him the drugs herself. The last words she heard him say crushed her heart like a kernel of popcorn under a rhino’s foot.

“I should’ve just let you get me for tax evasion.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! Real quick, guys. School let out a few days ago and I'm going to be out of the country for the next three weeks. Meaning no time to write. Which is why I made it a goal to get this long awaited chapter out before I leave. That being said, I apologize if it feels there's something... missing. Or if it feels rushed. There was so much more I wanted to add onto it. But I did what I could in the time I had. That doesn't excuse my performance, because you guys deserve my very best. And at many places throughout this fic I feel as though I hadnt delivered. I may edit this chapter a little before moving on to the next one to improve upon it, but that is still to be determined.
> 
> Without further ado, some well-deserved fluff. Again, feel free to reach out to me whenever! My comments section and inbox is always open!

For a long while, Judy simply sat in her car, paws gripping the steering wheel, but the car stayed planted in its parking spot. She had lost the ability to cry long ago, although her sleeves remained damp from a mix of regretful tears and snot. She lost him. He had given her another chance and she blew it. And now he’s high and dry, with a million things to deal with… therapy, this mother, general living, money... and he wasn’t letting her get close enough to help, and it was killing her. She loved him, and while it’d take more than the best lawyer money could buy to back up her case, she realized never stopped. 

She needed to make this right. Even if he never forgave her or wanted to see her again, even if he truly did hate her now, she couldn’t just leave her fox in what could be the nadir of his life. She’d pour out everything she had to make it up to him, and if he still didn’t want her in his life again… Well, don’t say she didn't try.

Before she knew it, the sun had flown over her head and sunk into the horizon. Her mind was made up. She would help Nick even if it destroyed her. She deserved much more than what she could deal to herself. She pulled out her phone and tapped a finger on the ZNB app.

 

Nick remained trapped in that hospital bed for weeks. Sometimes he refused to eat for days on end. In fact, he only started when the doctor told him that the only chance he was leaving the hospital was by eating. Test after test, evaluation after evaluation. Eventually, he was finally allowed to leave, but not without prescribed weekly visits to some shrink down in Savannah Central. No pills this time, since everyone knew how that turned out last time.

“Saffron! Well, glad to see you’re not the sorry mess I expected you to be!” Sarah joyfully jabbed at Nick, who had just strolled out of the hospital doors. He was dressed in his usual button down t-shirt and slacks, and Sarah was in a simple denim jacket and black dress as she leaned against her Boarvette.

“Pleased to see you again too, Snowy.” Nick retorted quickly. Sarah held her arms out in front of her, waiting for him to finish the other half of the friendly embrace. It only took a death stare from Sarah for him to cave and wrap his own arms around her.

“Thanks for giving me a ride.” Nick said as he entered the passenger side of the vehicle.

Sarah shot him a smirk and pulled out of the parking lot. “Not a problem. I’d apologize for not visiting you but…” she shrugged.

“Yeah… I know.” Nick frowned and looked out the window.

“You demanded that no one else see you. Didn’t even know you could make a request like that in a hospital. Why was that?”

“Didn’t want anyone to see me like that.”

“Since when are you concerned about your looks?” Sarah chuckled with a smile that turned into a frown as Nick refused to return her gaze. “You planning to break the radio silence?”

“Nope.”

“You’re going to do it to that shrink anyway. Why not a familiar face?”

Nick huffed and continued to stare out the window. The silence between them lengthened and Sarah let out a discouraged sigh. “Fine. I’ll talk, but you listen…”

She took a slight left down Acacia Avenue. “I heard about what happened to you, from the layoffs to your mother... And I know what you’re going to say, there’s no way I would be able to know how you feel, you don’t understand me, insert emo band bullshit lyrics here… But why stay silent about it, Saff? For someone who claims to be so misunderstood, you sure didn’t make much of an effort to help people understand.”

“I’m me. Other people are other people. I try not to get the two mixed up.”

Sarah rolled her eyes and let her head his her headrest in exasperation. “Seriously, Nick? Again with the angsty teenage ‘no one understands me’ bit? It was exhaustingly annoying then, and it’s even more so now.”

She glanced off in his direction before returning her attention to the road. “So no one was allowed the darkest secrets of your life… What made Judy so different?”

She felt Nick clench his jaw as well as his fist. “Don’t ever mention her again.”

“Oh, I’ve heard a bit of her story. Got to know her quite well. I want to hear your side.”

“MY side?” Nick flared up, scowling at her. “I’ll let you know. She… broke me down. She made me  vulnerable, made me think she actually cared, and took full advantage of that! All for her own selfish reasons” He slammed a fist on the armrest of his chair. “And I fucking fell for it! Twice! Some part of me thought she actually cared for me! I was there for her for her stupid fucking case, there again when she had to make it right, I was there for all her bullshit! But the one time in my life I needed her, she finds the first excuse to kick me in the shins and run off!”

Nick slowly reduced his snarl to a simple frown before glancing back out the window. “...Sorry.”

Sarah nodded and stopped at a red light. “You really cared about her, didn’t you?”

Nick sighed hard and pursed his lips before replying. “It was a mistake.”

“Saffron…” Sarah sighed and shook her head. “You’re a great guy, with a big heart. I see it, she sees it…”

“Were you even listening to anything I just said?”

“I heard everything, Saff. I heard her side of the story too.”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“She still loves you, Nick.”

“She ABANDONED me.”

“She ALSO saved your life!”

Nick tsked and turned his head once again to the window.

“She still feels like shit about everything she did for you. She’s doing anything she can to make it better. Even if it destroys her. Even if you still end up hating her guts.”

“It’ll take more than what she can give.”

Sarah sighed again. “She still loves you, Nick. And quite frankly it’s the most genuine I’ve ever seen. But do you feel the same?”

By the time Nick realize where Sarah was taking her, she was already pulling into the police station. “Why’d you take me here, Snowy? There’s nothing here for me anymore.” 

Sarah pulled into a parking spot. “There might be more than you think, Nick.”

“What?”

“The Chief wanted to talk to you. I’ll wait here. You get back here when you can.”

Nick stared at her for a moment before exiting the car. Each step toward the front door filled his head with questions. How would everyone react to seeing him again? Did everyone know he tried to take his life? And would Judy be there?

Once he walked through, the station was busy as usual. Clawhauser was helping another person, but smiled at Nick when he walked in, like he had never left at all. He gestured up to Bogo’s office before helping the civilian once again.

Nick climbed up the steps to his office and rapped his knuckles on his door. Once he heard the “come in.” Nick opened the door and stepped in.

Bogo’s desk was swamped with papers, and he looked so tired as though he had aged twenty years. He raised his eyes to see Nick, to which he removed the glasses from his face and leaned back. Nick sat down in front of his desk before speaking. “Sir, if this is about...”

Bogo raised his hand to silence him, and so wordlessly reached into his desk and pulled out a badge, which he slid over to Nick. Nick’s eyes darted from the badge to Bogo in disbelief. “Sir, I’m not sure I understand…”

“I can’t clear you for field duty until your therapist clears you for any psychological issues, so for right now all you can do is ride a desk.”

“I thought there weren’t any more spots left open because of the layoffs.”

“There isn’t. But everyone around here heard what you were going through, and we made a collaborative effort to give you a sort of… say ‘unofficial’ paycheck, provided you put in the work.”

“Meaning..?”

“The remaining officers on duty donated a small portion of their own paychecks to come up with yours. Even some of those off duty contributed.”

Nick was speechless. “Sir, I don’t know what to say…”

“Don’t thank me, Wilde. Your partner spearheaded this operation.”

“What? Judy did this?”

Bogo nodded. “Now get going, Wilde. This paperwork’s only getting higher. And Nick...” Bogo pushed his glasses back on his face. “Don’t you ever think you’re living life on your own. More people care than you think.”

Nick left his office and headed for his old desk. He was still bewildered. He had a somewhat stable job again, albeit mind numbingly boring. What she did was greatly appreciated, but she couldn’t possibly expect it to magically make everything go away. She betrayed him. She didn’t let him speak for himself. And after all this time, she still didn’t trust him as much as she said she did. This wasn’t something you could throw money at to make go away. And when he saw her at her desk, he’d let her know that.

But to his surprise, Judy wasn’t at her desk. Everything was still neat and in its own place, but the stack of incoming papers had grown roughly half her size. He figured she must have taken the day off. He huffed and turned to his desk, which was facing away from hers, but in the same cubicle. They had shared more than just the same chair at the morning roll call.

His own desk, miraculously, was actually clean. Even his desk plant was well watered. In the center of his desk was an envelope. A quick check of its contents confirmed it was something from the Grand Pangolin Arms. Must have been a mail mix-up. He’ll return it to her. And since she wasn’t at work, it would have to be personally. At her door.

Sarah gave him a ride to Judy’s apartment. “Leave the car running.” He told her. “I’ll only be a minute.”

He climbed the steps up to her apartment, as scenarios flooded his mind. Eventually he reached her door, which was unusually bare of carrot-themed decorations. He raised his knuckles to the door and rapped his knuckles against it. 

There was no answer. He knocked again. Still no answer.

Nick was confused. Was he at the wrong apartment? No, the numbers matched up…

“Can I help you?” And elderly voice behind him questioned, making him jump. It was her landlady, Miss Whats-her-name.

“Oh! Yeah, hi.” Nick glanced around. “Uhm… I think I should give this to you.” He handed her the envelope. “It’s Judy’s”

Curiously, she took it and opened its contents, turning back to him and smiling. “Ah, of course, Mr Wilde…” She reached into her pocked and pulled out a key. “I welcome you to the Grand Pangolin Arms. Luxury Apartments with charm.”

“What?”

“Complimentary delousing once a month…”

“Nonononononono.” He shook his head. “No, I don’t think you understand. This isn’t my apartment…”

“But it is.” The armadillo insisted. “Fully furnished.”

“No, it isn’t. Judy lives here. You… remember?” Nick pressed, waiting for a response.

“Oh I know, this used to be hers.” The armadillo nodded understandingly. “But now it’s yours.”

“What?”

“She changed the name on the lease.” She confirmed. “Look.” She showed him the document. Nick's eyes widened as he scanned the lines of the leasing statement. Sure enough, his name was on it where Judy's was supposed to, along with a record showing the rent for the next three months was already paid for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I know this felt rushed and sort of half-assed. I'll edit it when I get back for a more appealing read. Stay tuned for the next (possibly final) installment!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick's internal struggle gains the attention of an unlikely visitor, who allows him to gain closure and see the situation in a new light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Long time no see!
> 
> So here it is: The long awaited next installment of FFM, so long overdue that I'll need my life savings to pay off the library fines.
> 
> I know some of you have been waiting for weeks and weeks for another update, and it wasn't fair to you all while this gathered dust in my google drive and I sat my fat ass down, clicking and watching my screen light up with pretty colors. There's no excuse for that, and you all have my deepest apologies. The conclusion, with any luck, will be done around the New Year (And it should be easier now, as I have 85% of the draft typed out). I also have another fic in the works, this one more action-oriented. I seem to be developing a pattern. We'll see when that one surfaces.
> 
> ANYHOW, now to the moment you guys have been waiting for, with no more stalling from me.

The apartment was… small. Bunny sized. He wasn’t sure why that surprised him, as he had been over a few times before, but it did. As though he had experienced a new strain of deja vu that left him… missing something.

All that was left in the apartment was a bed, a desk, wooden chair, and a hot plate that sat atop a microwave. He took a few steps in and looked around. He was still in disbelief. The faintest trace of Judy’s natural scent was the only proof that she was ever there. Other than that, all of her personal effects had vanished. The walls that once held pictures of her rather large family were gone, her pillows and bedsheets were replaced with an uncovered mattress, the desk that once held held her lamp and alarm clock was… Wait, something was there.

He approached the desk and his fingers found an envelope, with his name written in all too familiar handwriting. Judy’s handwriting. He flipped it over to find it had been sealed with a small golden sticker. One in the crumpled shape of a badge. The same “Junior ZPD Officer” sticker that Judy had given Finnick, who then slapped it on his own chest. The same sticker he had torn off and balled up after the press conference. He couldn’t believe it still had some stick to it, but more so he couldn’t believe she had not only picked it up after him, but also kept it all this time. He pursed his lips and sighed. There was obviously some kind of symbolic meaning behind the sticker, but whatever it was Nick missed it. To him it served as a reminder that she betrayed his trust once before, and despite what she said then it’s only been proved that mammals never really change. He flicked the envelope open with ease to see what she had to say.

_ Nick, _

_ You were my first friend when I first came to Zootopia. You were the first one who really put his life on the line for me. So I still can’t believe how unbelievably dense I was to betray your trust not once, but now twice. I’m not doing this because I expect you to forgive me if I do, even though I would give anything to see that stupid smirk of yours again pointed my way. After all, you gave me a second chance and I threw it away like it was nothing. I let my own fears rule over my trust of you again, and that is, even by the loosest definition, unforgivable. You’re nothing like Quinn. If anything, you’re the opposite of him. It was a mistake to ever consider placing you two in parallels. So, I don’t blame you if you still never want to see me again. But I definitely can’t and won’t leave you the way I left you. You mean way too much to me for me to leave you broke, unemployed, homeless, and lonely. I’m doing this to do right by you, even if you still end up hating me in the end. It’s definitely what I deserve, and I won’t blame you for it. If you still want me gone, I’ll put in a request to Bogo to change precincts. _

_ I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for not giving you a chance to speak your side of the story, I’m sorry for making terrible assumptions about you, but most of all, I’m sorry for not returning the trust you held over me. Of course, you’ve probably heard me say it so much now, it’s probably lost its meaning. So, if by some miracle you do forgive me, I promise I’ll strive to make sure you never regret that decision. I promise to love you completely and unconditionally, and to make sure you’re reminded of it every day. If this is what I expect, and this is where we part ways, know I’m not mad at you. You deserve so much more than me. Someone who won’t disappoint you like I have. Someone you can walk with on the street without getting dirty looks from everyone. Someone who loves you as much as I did, and never questions your faithfulness. I truly hope you find someone who was strong where I was weak and stronger where I already was. You of all people deserve a fairy tale ending, Nick. _

_ Judy _

Nick set himself down on the bed and read the letter again and again, finding himself conflicted. Once he gathered his bearings in the hospital, he had already made up his mind that he would cut Judy out of his life. She was like a cruel poison, making him happier than he ever thought possible only to leave him broken right when he needed her comfort the most. Judy was neither his first girlfriend nor his first love. He had  loved and lost a few times before they had met. He familiarized himself with what it felt like each time, so he would never mistake love for something else in the future.

But something about Judy was different from his past exes. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it

_ You of all people deserve a fairy tale ending, Nick _

Her words sounded sincere, but it didn’t change the fact that she hurt him. Not once, but twice. And this time, it was enough to push him over the edge. What’s to say that she won’t do it again? And this time, what if he did something worse next time? She knew that he wanted her out of his life, so why the hell is she waiting?

It wasn’t until his own tear hit the paper when he was brought back to the real world.

Nick’s internal conflict manifested itself in the form of a splitting headache. He decided to sleep on it. He tapped off a text to Sarah telling her she could go home before plopping down on the mattress.

The mattress still smelled like her. A mix of some warm earthy sensation with a distinct presence of lavender. 

*   *   *   

_ Nicholas? Where are you, Nicholas? _

Nick groaned and rubbed his eyes as he sat up in bed. What time was it? And whose voice is that calling out for him? It sounded faintly familiar. Every word was laced with comfort. That same voice was the only thing that kept him from reaching for his baseball bat, which he kept beside his bed. Wait. He didn’t have a baseball bat since he was a cub. And why did the mattress suddenly shrink? And since when did all these posters appear in his room? 

_ Nicholas, hurry up! I made sweet tea! _

He let his eyes wander his surroundings. There’s a Superdog poster, a bookshelf that held more board games than novels, A family picture on his nightstand… He didn’t recognize it at first. He was back in his childhood room. Carefully, he sat up and planted his feet on the ground underneath him, twitching when he almost put his full body weight on a discarded toy. He kicked it under the bed and stood up, throwing on a simple t-shirt as he opened his bedroom door and walked out to the living room. He nearly sucked all the oxygen out of the air when he saw who was sitting on the couch, pouring sweet tea from a pitcher into two tall glasses, which sat next to a bowl of chips. It had been years since he saw her, and yet she looked exactly the same as the day he left. Gray streaks lined her otherwise rust-colored fur, longer tufts of fur at the top of her head, a light blue dress under a lavender windbreaker… She looked, in a word, beautiful.

The vixen turned her head and smiled brightly, a smile Nick didn’t realize he missed so much until he saw her. “There you are, Nicholas!” She beamed, finalizing the connection between the voice and the face. She patted the couch next to her. “Come sit next to your mother! Doggie Howler’s on!”

Nick, still shocked from what he was seeing, slowly shuffled over and sat down next to her, taking the glass of tea his mother offered him. “You always did like your medical dramas.” Nick commented, sipping from the glass, not quite absorbing what was going on.

Nick’s mother giggled. “You and me both, if I remember correctly!” She corrected, ruffling Nick’s head, making him squirm.

“Ma! You know I don’t like that!” Nick’s paws immediately went to fixing as soon as his mother retreated her paw.

“Oh, I know, but I just can’t help myself!” She laughed as she returned her attention to the television program. Nick, however, couldn’t take his eyes off of her. All he wanted since he got the news was to see her again. He had rehearsed over and over again what he had planned to say to her, but now his mind ran blank.

“Ma…” Nick started, reaching a paw up to her cheek and stroking it out of disbelief. “Is… is it really you?”

She turned back to Nick and placed her paw over his. The warmth that resonated from her was enough for him to melt. “It’s me, sweetheart.” she replied with a soft smile. “In the flesh. So to speak.”

Nick gasped again and desperately took both of his mother’s paws in his. “Ma… I…” He grimaced as tears burst forth from his eyes and threw his arms around her. All at once, the pent up emotions he held in since he left home came flooding out. “Mom, I’m so sorry! I’ve been a shitty son! I ran out on you and called you an old hag! I’ve hated myself for that every day since then, even more with each day I passed up coming back! I know you probably hate me, and I don’t blame you for it! I wanted to come back! Really, I did! I just… I just couldn’t...” Nick finally gasped for air as he clung onto her tighter than ever, and shuddered violently. “Please don’t hate me anymore, Mom! I’m so sorry!”

Nick’s mother simply stroked her son’s back as he let everything out, smiling comfortingly. For several minutes, Nick’s sobbing continued, along with each spasm that came with each gasp for air. He eventually calmed himself down, to which Nick’s mother placed a final two pats on his back.

“Oh stop that, Nicholas.” His mother stated firmly. “It’s very unbecoming of a gentlemammal.”

Nick refused to move from his spot. She practically had to pry him off of her. She took her son by the shoulders and stared intently into his eyes. “You know…” She chuckled. “I saw you on the news a while ago. Not only did you help clean the predator name, but you helped uncover what could be the largest conspiracy this city has ever seen!”

Nick looked at her, confused, but she continued on before he could interrupt.

“I was at your police academy graduation too.” She sighed. “Oh, how you beamed with pride that day. I haven’t seen that look since you put on your Junior Ranger Scouts uniform for the first time.”

“Ma, I… I don’t… You were there?” He whispered in disbelief.

“Of course I was, Nicky.” She nuzzled her muzzle against his cheek. “I never hated you, Nicholas. I was worried. I know you were only trying to help me out, but I’d sooner live out on the streets than see you thrown into jail like some common criminal.” She sighed and patted his paw, smiling amidst the tears that welled up in her eyes. “That’s why I was so proud of you when I saw what you were doing with your life. You didn’t just break the fox stereotype, you inspired an entire generation of young ones, predator and prey alike! Out in the streets, the kids would always play cops and robbers after school. And the cops said they wanted to be just like Nick Wilde. My son.”

The tears came back to Nick as the sobbing returned, clenching his paws and grimacing as he directed his gaze downwards. “You shouldn’t be proud of me…” He gasped. “I walked out on you in the moment you needed me most. I didn’t come back for anything! It took you dying for us to talk again! I didn’t…”

Nick’s words ceased to escape his mouth when he found himself in the surprisingly firm embrace of his mother. The scent of her perfume filled his nostrils, and the tears started coming back again. “Hate me, damn it!” He screamed, pounding the couch with his fist. “Punch me! Throw something against the wall! I abandoned you and spat on your feet, don’t you understand? Don’t praise me for the mammal I’ve become! Punish me for the piece-of-shit son that hurt you!”

Marian simply whispered gently into Nick’s ear the words he didn’t even realize he’d been pining for until he heard her say it.

“I don’t care about any of that. I love you, Nicholas. Always have, always will. Nothing ever changed that.”

Nick suddenly found himself speechless as he replayed those words over and over again. The hatred he felt for himself dissipated so quickly it left him feeling naked and afraid. Small and vulnerable. He returned her embrace with a gracious one of his own as she continued.

“All I wanted for you was to go out and do something good with your life. That’s victory enough for me.”

They stayed in that embrace for what felt like a second and an eternity all at once. Nick’s back spasmed horribly as he gasped for air between each sob, but eventually calmed down as he felt the security from the loving embrace of his mother. Then she patted him on the back and reluctantly pulled away, looking into his eyes all over again and smiling that beautiful smile.

“Mom, I… I...” Nick stuttered, sniffling and wiping a tear away from his face. “Thanks, Mom. I, uh… I really needed that.”

Marian simply kept on smiling and nodded. “Now Nicholas…” She started. “Before I leave, I want to discuss one last thing with you.”

“Anything, Mom.” Nick truly meant it. He knew it wouldn’t make up for the time he wasn’t there for her, but he wanted to stay with his mom as long as he could. Even if that meant going into another coma.

Marian leaned forward and rested her arms on her knees. “I’ve been watching you, you know. Ever since my passing…”

Nick sighed and let his back flop against the back of the couch, the television now sounding more and more distant. “Mom, you don’t have to say any more… Swallowing those pills was a mistake. It was reckless, irresponsible, and a complete overreaction to my situation… But now I…”

Marian closed her eyes and shook her head. “That’s not what I wanted to talk about, Nicholas.”

Nick blinked and sat back up, perplexed. “Oh. Then what was it?”

Marian simply looked at her son and smirked. Huh. So  _ that’s  _ where he got it from. As soon as he saw it, he realized what she was pushing toward.

“Judy?” He tried his best not to let his rekindled anger show, although his ears instinctively went flat against his head and he pursed his lips. “What about her?”

“You and I both know you wouldn’t be where you are if not for her occasional kick in the pants.” She chuckled slightly. “Why are you so angry at her?”

Nick took a deep breath and rested his elbows on his knees, looking up at his mother. He knew he couldn’t lie to her even if he wanted to. He opened his mouth a few moments before he began speaking. He told her the whole story, from when he first received the eviction notice, being laid off from work, getting mugged, and eventually to his and Judy’s break up. Marian nodded and listened intently at her son’s story.

“And you’re upset that she didn’t let you speak your side of the story?”

Nick nodded firmly. “ That’s part of it. There’s also the fact that she hired someone to spy on me. We saved each other time and time again, we’ve been dating for months… but she still pulls something like this.”

“And you didn’t tell her your situation from the start because..?”

Nick sighed again before replying. “We were both really stressed out from work. I didn’t want my burdens to become hers to bear.”

Marian simply chuckled once again. “Your pride was always as much a blessing as it was a curse, Nicholas.”

Nick raised an eyebrow. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Real life was never meant to be lived out on your own. If it was, then there wouldn't be other mammals for you to befriend.”

Nick rolled his eyes and let his back fall against the couch. “Thanks for the fortune cookie.”

Marian furrowed her brow and swatted the tip of Nick’s nose, to which Nick responded with a sudden recoil as his paws flew to his snout. “Ow! Ma!”

“I'm being serious, Nick.” she stated firmly. “After you left, even I reached out to friends. They didn't make the pain completely go away, but they certainly made it much more bearable. I reached out not because I wanted to, but because I knew I couldn't go through it alone…” she reached out and touched his shoulder. “Because you supported me when when your father left. And without that…” she paused and cleared her throat, poorly hiding an attempt to fight off her own tears. “We both may very well have ended up in very different places.”

Nick remained silent as his mother shifted her position to better face him. “This mammal is the whole reason why you got your life turned around, and for good reason. She’s one of the better ones out there.”

“We just going to glaze over the fact that she had me followed?”

“I’m not protecting what she did, Nicholas. Because quite frankly, she was far from right when she did that. But she realizes that too! Not only did she come back to make things right, but she pulled you out of a hole that no one would ever be able to dig themselves out of. She came back, Nicholas! And now she’s literally placing your well being ahead of hers so that you’ll have a stable stream of income and a roof over your head, and she isn’t expecting anything in return! That should speak leagues for exactly what you mean to this rabbit.”

Nick’s eyes widened at this realization. She really was giving up all of this for him, with absolutely no regard to her own well being. He thought back to his past exploits with other women. As he got older, he made a point in how he felt in each relationship, what he perceived as love. Once the relationship ended, he remembered taking special note in that same feeling so he wouldn’t be disillusioned by any pretenses of false love in the future. Then he thought back to his exes that tried to get back together with him. Some bought him lavish gifts, made grand gestures, others promises were… rather suggestive… But Judy’s motives differed from that. What Judy was doing for him.. No, what she was sacrificing for him... was completely selfless. He realized that now Judy was not only homeless, but probably scraping the bottom of her savings now. All for him. Suddenly what he perceived as love seemed so miniscule compared to what he felt that Judy, and even more troubling was the fact that he claimed he loved Judy, but he found himself unable to determine if he would do the same for her. In a way, he felt emasculated, but it definitely opened his eyes.

Marian spoke again. “That rabbit loves you, Nicholas. And I hope I’m not too far off in suggesting that that feeling might not necessarily be one way?”

“Yes, it is one way. I want nothing to do with her.” is what Nick’s sweltering rage wanted to say. But for some reason, the words never left Nick’s mouth, and that same rage dwindled to ash. Nick’s silence gave the answer Marian was looking for as she smiled. “Then I don’t think you need me telling you that you’re going to regret keeping up this grudge of yours.”

After a moment, Marian turned her eyes up to the ceiling and nodded. “It’s time for me to go now, Nicholas,” she stated, rising from the couch

“What? So soon?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“So that’s it, then? This is goodbye?”

“I’m not saying goodbye, Nicholas. Because if I don’t say goodbye, I’m not really gone. I’m just… not here right now.”

Hearing her say that put Nick’s heart at ease as he slowly smiled and nodded. He shrugged one shoulder. “At least stay for the end of the episode?”

She sighed defeatedly and sat back down next to her son. It was always so hard to tell her son no. It wasn’t a particularly funny episode, but it was the heartiest Nick had laughed in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for being so patient with me as I write this. The feedback I got back way back when was extremely helpful, and I always encourage you all to voice your opinions to me in the comments. Again, Last bit should be up by the new year! Merry Christmas, all!


End file.
